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Losing Baby Tiny

19 Aug

There aren’t words that can fully express the sadness that comes with the news of a miscarriage.

I’ve known this to be true for years – in ministering to families, I’ve walked alongside (what feels like) too many families who have had to mourn the death of their unborn child(ren).

Those words were never more true to me than they are now.

On Wednesday morning, my wife and I were given the news that no parents want to hear during a regularly scheduled doctor’s appointment – our nurse was unable to find the heartbeat of our unborn child, Baby Tiny – we had experienced a miscarriage and our baby had died.  The rest of that day is a whirlwind of sadness and confusion – and, days later, we’re still processing what just happened.

So, today, I thought I’d put some words down to help me process and to share a little about our experience for the many others out there who are going through, or have gone through, a miscarriage.

Mourning in Community

When Christine and I first discovered that we were pregnant, we had a question to answer – when do we tell people that we’re expecting?  We decided, as many of you know, to share our news in a fast and furious fashion (see our video here).  If the worst were to happen, we discussed at the time, we’d rather mourn in community than feel as though we were alone.

Now, 2 months later, we are faced with the reality that we now have a lot of people that we need to share our not-so-great news with… and, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  As hard as it is, the fact that we’ve had a community of friends to rally around us during our sadness has far outweighed the negative aspects of telling people the sad news.  Our closest friends spent the first evening with us and brought us all of our favorite comfort foods.  We sat around, crying a bit, laughing a bunch and just talking about life together.

Had we waited until later in the pregnancy to share our news with everyone, we would have missed out on that time we were able to spend together – I’d be willing to bet that the friends who were with us on that night will be in our lives for a long time… mourning together tends to grow people closer together.

Bad news never travels fast enough

Nobody likes sharing bad news.  People don’t like hearing it either.  That’s why I think people feel the need to turn bad news into good news.  In telling people about our miscarriage, I’ve noticed that most people try to put their own spin on the news.

“At least it happened early in the pregnancy.”

“Well, you’re young and can still try again.”

“You already have 2 kids… that’s something to celebrate!”

“I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut, so I’m going to just start talking.”

Okay… nobody actually has said that last one.  But, it’s kind of at the core of most people’s response to the news.  Everyone feels like they need to turn the bad news into not-so-bad news, so they try to spin things to lessen the sadness in the room.

I write all of that to say this – if someone tells you bad news, just listen.  And, if you have sad news to share, please know that even the nicest person can say hurtful and stupid things in the midst of sadness – please don’t hold it against them.

—-

I know a lot of people who will read this are in ministry.  I’d encourage you to check out an event that one of my ministry friends, Kenny Conley, has put together for his church – Born into Heaven (http://www.childrensministryonline.com/family/born-into-heaven/).

If you’re a friend or family member reading this, you could help us out most by telling one other family our news, and encourage them to do the same.  We’re a little nervous about church this weekend and having to tell and re-tell our news to each person we see (I’m trying to figure out how to tell a couple hundred kids who love and pray for my family about what happened) – it would be helpful if you helped spread the news.  If you don’t know how, just tell them the basics and send them to this post.

I think what I’m most sad about is that I won’t get to ever know what kind of kid Baby Tiny would have been.  Would he have his brother’s need for structure and love for Lego Star Wars?  Would she show no fear around a swimming pool like her sister and have a passion for destroying her brother’s Lego towers?  In mourning the loss of our baby, I’m forced to also mourn the loss of my hopes and dreams that I had for her (I had been hoping for a girl, btw).  That seems like it’s the saddest part.

We’ll spend part of today at the beach putting together a little ceremony for Baby Tiny.
I’ll share pictures and more about that ceremony sometime next week.

Thanks, in advance, for your prayers.  We know that we’re not alone – and we appreciate the support.

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29 Comments

Posted by on August 19, 2011 in Thoughts

 

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29 responses to “Losing Baby Tiny

  1. Brent

    August 19, 2011 at 9:02 am

    My wife and I have been there several times. I’m praying hard for you today.

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    • Anthony Prince

      August 21, 2011 at 6:53 am

      The road is a little less lonely knowing that others have shared this pain. Thanks for your encouragement, Brent.

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  2. Kristin Jared

    August 19, 2011 at 10:57 am

    Love you guys. Praying and sending my heart with you.

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    • Anthony Prince

      August 21, 2011 at 6:53 am

      Love you too, friend. Having you and your family in our lives makes my heart happy. Thanks.

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  3. Becky

    August 19, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    Praying for your sweet family during this difficult time.

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    • Anthony Prince

      August 21, 2011 at 6:54 am

      Thanks, Becky. We appreciate all the prayers we can get.

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  4. gloriaslee

    August 19, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    thanks for sharing… rejoicing and mourning in community is what biblical church/community is all about… so glad to hear that you’re surrounded by people who love you and can cry with you! will be praying for your family!

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  5. Sandy Boulware

    August 20, 2011 at 8:31 am

    We have been there four times. The first was the most heartbreaking and confusing. I will never forget the sermon preached the Sunday afterwards by Fulton Lydle. It was about timing, and how God’s timing is perfect even though it is not our timing. We were also comforted by friends, and discovered how many of them had traveled this road before us. We are truly sorry for your loss. I just read “Heaven is for Real” where 4 year old Colton tells his parents about a little girl he saw in heaven who is his sister. He had never heard the story of his parents losing a baby. It made me wonder what little ones I will see up there. Love to you both, Sandy Boulware

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    • Anthony Prince

      August 21, 2011 at 6:56 am

      I’ve also read Colton’s account of Heaven – Carter keeps telling us that he’s looking forward to getting old and going to Heaven so that he can see if Baby Tiny was going to be a boy or a girl.

      It’s comforting to think about one day getting to meet the little one that we never got to hold on this side of Glory.

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  6. JC

    August 20, 2011 at 11:57 am

    praying for you, my wife and i had a miscarriage a few months ago. Couldn’t find the heartbeat the day before Orange. Waited til the next week to see if we were just early in our timing. It’s hard. I’m praying for you and your family.

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    • Anthony Prince

      August 21, 2011 at 6:57 am

      Dude.

      Sorry for your loss, friend.
      Thanks for the prayers.

      Like

       
  7. Courtney Walsh

    August 21, 2011 at 6:42 am

    Anthony,

    I am so sorry you’re going through this. The pain is so real and heart-breaking. Please tell your wife as well, we are praying for both of you.

    A&C

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    • Anthony Prince

      August 21, 2011 at 6:59 am

      I wish we lived closer – you would have totally been invited over for dinner.
      Love you both and am so thankful to have you praying for us.

      Like

       
  8. Bethany

    August 21, 2011 at 6:52 am

    I’m so sorry. You, Christine, and your family are in my heart. Prayers as you grieve.

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    • Anthony Prince

      August 21, 2011 at 7:05 am

      Thanks, Bethany. Telling others is the tough part – almost starts the grieving process all over again. It’s neat to know that friends across the country are holding us up in prayer.

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  9. henryjz

    August 21, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    So sorry for your loss, Anthony. I’ll be praying for you and your family.

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    • Anthony Prince

      August 21, 2011 at 4:07 pm

      Thanks, buddy. Today was rough. The prayers have been much needed.

      Like

       
  10. savedsister7

    August 21, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    So sorry for your loss friend. You and your family are in my prayers.

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  11. Joe Montoya (@mrjoetweets)

    August 21, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    We have a daughter, Rhema waiting for us in Heaven. The heartbreak was we wanted to have a chance to share our lives with her here on earth. God turned it around and blessed us with twin girls the next time around. Praying God’s comfort over you, your wife and son.

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    • Anthony Prince

      August 22, 2011 at 10:37 am

      Thanks for sharing part of your story, Joe. It’s a great reminder that we’re not alone in this.

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  12. Tami Stevenson

    August 21, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    Hi Anthony, you don’t know me. I work for a children’s ministry and follow you on Twitter after reading a magazine article that suggested kidmin people around the country to watch.

    My husband and I went through three miscarriages in 2009. Thank you for being open about a topic that is often kept silent. You and your wife are not alone. I will be praying that you and your wife find comfort and hope in the days, weeks and months ahead.

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    • Anthony Prince

      August 22, 2011 at 10:40 am

      Tami,
      Thanks for sharing. Three miscarriages in a year seems overwhelming – on its own, one is pretty devastating. Thanks for the kind words and prayers. We are not alone – and the fact that our church and even online #kidmin community has rallied in prayer around us has had an amazing impact on us. Thanks for being a part of that rally.

      Like

       
  13. Ron

    August 23, 2011 at 10:33 am

    This brought tears to my eyes. I am so very sorry for your loss. Know that I too am praying for you and your family.
    When we were pregnant I didn’t want to tell anyone for the longest time in case something did happen. My mom had a still-born before I was born. While I dont understand why, I do know that someday I will be able to see the brother I never knew.
    I love the ceremony you had. And I love the way you are sharing with community instead of going through this yourself. It makes me look at things differently.
    Praying for you….

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  14. amy dolan

    August 23, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    thank you, anthony for sharing your story. prayers for peace, strength, and grace.

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  15. cyndi

    August 24, 2011 at 9:43 am

    My friend sent me your blog. I found out on father’s day that we were pregnant with our third. I was so excited because we have been trying for over a year. We went to the OB to discover that I was due March 8 AND HAVING TWINS! One was smaller and had a weak heartbeat but all was ok. Went back @ 10 wks and… heartbeats gone. Just like that. Gone. 2 weeks later (the day your post was published) I miscarried @ home. It was an indescribable experience. I mourn for all of the mothers that miscarry without knowing ahead of time that everything’s not fine. I couldn’t imagine the shock on top of all the physical/ emotional pain. I praise God that it was natural, since my D&C was scheduled for tomorrow. Thanks for sharing and we will pray for your family’s healing.

    Like

     

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